


Wedding Bells

by ThetaSigma



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: And a character actually, Attempt at Humor, Brooklyn 99 References, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Not really a crossover although maybe it is idk guys, Tumblr inspired this blame them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: It takes 6,000 years for Aziraphale and Crowley to go from meeting on a wall to getting married. It takes nearly a thousand years for them to have second conversation after that one on the wall, and really, the delay isn't exactly their fault. It's all a bit... ineffable.***It happens in the Garden. A man-shaped being, identifiable as an angel by his white toga and enormous white wings, is standing guard. It is a very anxious guard as he watches a man and a woman slip out of Eden. His name is Aziraphale, and he’s really wishing he hadn’t been assigned to guard Eden. He hadn’t even understood, at the time, what he was supposed to be guarding and from whom. “Just stand up there and guard!” Gabriel had told him, and Aziraphale hadn’t been able to ask any questions. He curses his habit of stammering when he’s nervous, which is fairly frequent.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Wedding Bells

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tobeconspicuous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/gifts).



It happens in the Garden. A man-shaped being, identifiable as an angel by his white toga and enormous white wings, is standing guard. It is a very  _ anxious _ guard as he watches a man and a woman slip out of Eden. His name is Aziraphale, and he’s really wishing he hadn’t been assigned to guard Eden. He hadn’t even understood, at the time,  _ what _ he was supposed to be guarding and from  _ whom. _ “Just stand up there and guard!” Gabriel had told him, and Aziraphale hadn’t been able to ask any questions. He curses his habit of stammering when he’s nervous, which is fairly frequent. 

A snake climbs the absolutely  _ massive _ wall and turns into a different kind of man-shaped being. He’s easily identifiable as a demon by his dark toga and pitch-black wings. Never mind the snake eyes.

He also watches, briefly, the man and woman run away. “Well, that went down like a lead balloon,” he says.

Aziraphale chuckles, because he’s uncomfortable and anxious and mentally reviewing everything he knows about demons. He rather wishes he remembered a way to smite one when one  _ didn’t _ have one’s flaming sword. He can’t, so he settles for, “Sorry, what was that?”

The demon looks like he’s trying not to smile and says, “I said, ‘well, that went down like a lead balloon.’”

Aziraphale really would like to know what a lead balloon is, and why it goes down in any particular way. Is a lead balloon one of Hell’s inventions? Is he going to have to learn to defend against it? Oh, dear, this is turning into  _ such _ a disaster.

But he’s wary of saying the wrong thing to this demon --  _ demon! _ In Eden! -- and decides not to confess he has no idea what a lead balloon is. Or why it goes down. “Yes, yes it did rather!” he says earnestly.

The demon keeps talking. Something about an overreaction and not understanding why it is so bad to be aware of the difference between good and evil.

Aziraphale really wishes he could disagree with that. Or be ignorant like Adam and Eve were. Because if he didn’t know that evil was, well, evil, and that demons are evil, he would rather enjoy this conversation. The demon is charming, which is rather a surprise.

Then again, temptation would be a lot harder if someone  _ wasn’t _ charming, he supposes. 

But the seed is planted. Why  _ is _ it wrong they know the difference? Does being good  _ mean _ anything if they don’t choose to be? Or if they don’t understand that’s what being good  _ means? _ Are they really good then? 

He reasons through this, out loud. “Well it must be bad…” he pauses, trying to work out why.

The demon assumes Aziraphale wants to know his name. “Crawly,” he says.

Aziraphale, who doesn’t particularly want to assign a name to a foul creature like this, smiles uncomfortably and says, “Crawly.” With half a second’s more thought, he continues, “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have tempted them into it.” 

It doesn’t feel like a particularly good argument to Aziraphale. He wishes he had a more ironclad reason why knowing the difference between good and evil is bad. It seems like a stupid justification, really. But demons are evil, and do evil things, and so if Crawly had tempted them into it, it  _ must _ be evil. And he can work out what is inherently evil about later. 

Crawly answers, “Oh, they just said, ‘Get up there and make some trouble.’”

Aziraphale knows the answer to this one. “Well, obviously. You’re a demon. It’s what you do.”

That’s this argument won, and seeing how he doesn’t have his flaming sword, he figures he’ll let the demon go this time with a warning. Aziraphale waits for Crawly to slither back down the wall and disappear, and Aziraphale can go back to his anxieties.

Which are now compounded with wondering just  _ what _ was so bad about eating this fruit. 

Crawly’s not done, though. He manages to throw in some digs about the fruit tree being far too accessible, especially if the Almighty didn’t want the fruit to be eaten. Aziraphale does not mention that he was thinking this himself.

He doesn’t agree with demons. Instead, he lectures Crawly on how the Almighty’s plans are not for them to know. It’s  _ ineffable. _

Crawly isn’t paying full attention, instead looking at Aziraphale head-to-toe. “Didn’t you have a flaming sword?” he asks.

Aziraphale pretends not to know what he’s talking about. After all, he refuses to let the demon know he’s unarmed.

“You did! It was flaming like anything! Lost it already?”

And Aziraphale can’t help but admit what he did. He feels strangely comforted by this oddball demon, and he finds himself actually  _ laughing _ joyously while talking to Crawly.

The water-from-sky thing starts (rain, they learn later, it’s called rain), and Aziraphale unthinkingly shelters Crawly from the storm.

Which is when another man-shaped being appears before them. He’s short -- even shorter than Aziraphale -- and has dark hair, an open, honest face, and brown eyes. He’s also the first being Aziraphale has seen  _ not _ to be wearing a toga. 

He’s wearing what Aziraphale will learn, much later, is called a suit.

The being smiles broadly and says, “I hear wedding bells!” Then he disappears again.

***

Aziraphale and Crawly avoid seeing each other for nearly a thousand years after that odd being says that to them. If they hear the other is in the area, they quickly leave. They are way too shaken by that man appearing.  _ Wedding bells? _

It’s not like they had much idea what a wedding bell was. But somehow, they felt it in their  _ core _ that it meant they were a couple, like Adam and Eve were a couple. Like the couples they’ve seen since being stationed on Earth.

Neither of them handle it well. Crawly remembers how much he’d enjoyed the angel’s company, and how it wasn’t one of the sins he’d felt standing on the wall, and it scares the dickens out of him. Hell doesn’t look kindly upon the softer emotions. Oh, he’d felt plenty of lust, too, and that he’s completely fine with -- Hell would probably give him a commendation if he actually manged to tempt an angel into sex. But something about the way that man had smiled at them, what he’d said… yeah, Crawly’s scared to see Aziraphale again anytime soon.

There’s a big part of him that thinks  _ Aziraphale _ also doesn’t want to see him. He knows how uncomfortable Aziraphale had been at the beginning of their conversation.

Aziraphale tries not to remember how much he’d (eventually) enjoyed the conversation with a  _ demon. _ That kind of thing is extremely frowned upon. He’s not supposed to feel anything for a demon except the desire to smite. He’s been panicking since that someone else will think they should get married. He doesn’t know what the consequences for that would be. Not the marriage, which he does not even contemplate, but that someone else could think they should.

It’s only after the memory of that bizarre moment fades somewhat that they allow themselves to have a conversation again. Both of them find they had missed it and resolve never to think about that moment again.

It’s made easier by the fact that the strange being doesn’t appear again.

***

Several years after the Armageddidn’t, Crowley and Aziraphale walk down the streets of New York. A vacation to celebrate three years married. 

They’re walking hand-in-hand when they see him again. The weird man that had heard wedding bells.

They both freeze, staring at him.

He notices and comes over. “Hi, couldn’t help see you staring!” he says cheerfully. “I’m Detective Charles Boyle, can I help you with something?”

Neither of them know what to say. They know they can’t just blurt out, “We saw you 6,000 years ago on the wall of the Garden of Eden,” and nothing else really captures what they want to know. 

Detective Boyle gives them a good look and says, “I know exactly what we need. A cafe. I need coffee, you look like you need one too,” he says to Crowley, then turns to Aziraphale, “and you seem like the kind of guy who knows his teas. Come on, this way!”

He leads a befuddled Aziraphale and Crowley to a cafe, settles them in with coffee and tea, then says, “Let me guess. I showed up for you two at some point.”

Crowley nods. Aziraphale is still staring speechlessly. 

Detective Boyle nods at their matching rings and beams. “And I see I was the one to give you the idea to get married!” he says. 

“Uh…” Crowley hesitates.

Boyle ignores that and peers at them. “Jesus,” he says, “I barely remember you two. 6,000 years ago, right? Garden of Eden? You two were my first couple! Oh, I’m so glad I helped this along!”

“You didn’t,” Crowley says pointedly. 

Aziraphale finally finds his voice. “We avoided each other for nearly a thousand years after that meeting!”

Boyle deflates. “Yeah, it never goes right for me,” he sighs.

Crowley and Aziraphale are no less confused than before. “Who  _ are _ you?” Aziraphale finally asks.

Boyle shrugs. “Right now, I’m Detective Boyle.” He sees their incredulous looks and says, “Okay, it’s a long story.”

“We’re all immortal; I think we have the time,” Crowley says drily.

“I’m not,” Boyle says. “Immortal, I mean. I reincarnate. Apparently I always look the same. Didn’t know that. Barely remember the details of each previous life. Just the couples. From the beginning, then. God created me to appear when soulmates meet. She didn’t tell me how I was supposed to signal that they’ve met each other, and my first summoning was you two. I saw you two on the wall and gosh, all I could think was ‘they’ll get married’ so I said the first thing that came to mind, which was ‘I hear wedding bells!’ Stupid, I know, but I’m stuck with it now.”

Crowley can’t help the bark of laughter that escapes him. Saying stupid shit unintentionally? Boy, can he relate.

Boyle fiddles with his coffee cup. “First few millennia, I got summoned constantly. Not many people, chances you’d meet your soulmate were really high. Not so much the past thousand years or so, and barely ever the last two or three hundred. Last time was when my friend Jake met Amy, and I was already there, actually. Otherwise, I lead a human life each time, usually a relatively lucky and secure one. But everyone I’ve shown up for has told me that the wedding bells thing delays them by years.”

Aziraphale tries to think of something comforting to say and comes up empty-handed. 

Boyle laughs mirthlessly. “I’m a shitty harbinger of soulmate meetings. Delay every marriage between them.”

Crowley sees the answer suddenly. “Maybe you’re  _ supposed _ to,” he says carefully, testing out the idea by saying it out loud. “Force couples to slow down and get to know each other.” It sounds reasonable when he says it.

Boyle beams. “I never thought of that.” He stretches. “Well, unlike you two, I’m not actually immortal, and I’ve a job to be getting back to. Glad to hear it worked out for you two. Eventually.”

He walks off, humming the Wedding March to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic was inspired by [this Tumblr post](https://vaguelyaperson.tumblr.com/post/174795170918/soulmate-au-where-when-you-meet-your-soulmate), and having read that, I couldn't _not_ try to write the fic. It turned into way longer a fic than I expected 'Charles Boyle shows up and says "I hear wedding bells!"' to actually be.  
> Dedicated to tobeconspicuous because of how much she loves soulmate AUs.


End file.
